So it’s Friday night. Or Saturday night. Or maybe it’s even a cheeky little midweek night if you’re a student or just going for a mad one (apols for that phrase). Maybe it’s time to venture into Viper for MNH once more or into the city of WNB. But here it is, a night out. You’ve been craving it. You need it. You need to get drunk. See your pals. Wake up tomorrow morning feeling like OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED LAST NIGHT and have all the lolz around the kitchen table with your mates. And here’s the 20 stages of a night out, all going on as you down your vodka and cokes.
1. You are just so damn tired. Like life is mega tiring. And you really don’t want to go out. You’ve had your din dins, slouched around and boy, the last thing on earth you wanna do right now is go out.
2. But your girls are counting on ya. Gotta do it for the team.
3. Everyone starts getting ready. Somebody is having a tactical nap. You’re not 100% sure they are going to wake up from that tactical nap. Classic them.
4. You run around the flat choosing what to wear. Somebody texts. They are already on their way over for pres. BUT WHAT! You haven’t even picked what to wear yet. Better make this decision a quick one.
5. Said texter has arrived and you’ve settled on what to wear: classic jeans and nice top combo. Ain’t nobody got time for high heels these days. The hardest issue of da night is probs deciding what pair of trainers to wear with your oh-so-edgy outfit.
6. Pre drinks time hell yeaaaaah. This is what the night is all about. Pre drinks are not a casual drinking sesh before you hit the club. They are a “GO HARD OR GO HOME” sesh before you hit the club so you don’t have to spend money whilst out. But you still do cos lolz jaegarbombs and buying rounds cos you’re a lad.
7. Nothing gets pre-drinks started like a cheeky round of Ring of Fire. It’s a classic. Someone definitely implements a heavy as fuck rule, some dickhead has the queen and you always have that one gal pal you make your mate because OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO FUNNY AND TORI YOU HAVE TO DRINK WHEN I DRINK LOOOOOOL. Classic you.
8. After a few rounds of this, pre-drinks shifts into convo and dancing on chairs with a side of white girl dancing. Yeh even the boys get in on it. Standard. But after a while someone suggests another game so you argue over Never Have I Ever, Most Likely To or Stop the Bus.
9. Everyone usually decides on Stop the Bus and you all start taking turns. Lol and your mate has down their drink for pulling twenty cards. What a loser. They will definitely be on the floor later.
10. By this point in the evening, everyone is pretty drunk and someone has definitely had a tactical chunder. Taxis are started to get phoned and there is the mad rush for ID and money.
11. TAXIS!! But oh no, you’ve just poured another drink. What do you do? Down it and then swallow your sick like the classy gal you are before staggering out to the taxi.
12. In the taxi, someone is absolutely definitely talking shit, another is swallowing their sick whilst the other two more sober people are sorting out money. Loose change is being thrown about here, there and everywhere. But someone definitely covers it with a cheeky tenner.
13. In the queue for the club. You owe the person who paid for the taxi a drink. Lol as if. You realise you are actually mega drunk. You stagger a little. Your sober friend shouts at you to act sober. You stand next to them and smile, you’ve deffo got this babes. You follow them like a little lamb to the bouncer and flash your ID whilst acting as sober as poss. Once you get in you feel like you should be an actress, you deffo deserve an Oscar for that performance.
14. In da club hell yeah! What a night to be out. You’re really feeling the music and you’re here with your best gal pals so you start cutting some shapes on the floor before deciding you absolutely must have a drink despite your claim at not spending any money. Lol what are you like. It’s basically a tradition to buy a drink in a club right?
15. After several more of these traditions, you STILL need more alcohol. So what do you do know? Wap out your bankcard which you only brought for “emergencies”. Ain’t no emergency greater than your need for a vodka and coke *insert dancing girl emoji*. But there’s a minimum charge? Best buy three then!!
16. Time to cut some more shapes. But ew creepy boy. So the girls start the protection circle and your male friend gets thrown on the job to keep this guy away. Overwhelming love for your pals.
17. The lights go on and it’s closing time already? WHAAAAT. Is this some sort of sick joke. You are so on top of your shit right now.
18. You’re out the club. And woah when did it get so cold out. Only one answer: cheesy chips.
19. Before you know it, you’re back in your cosy bed with your cheesy chip. Who needs water am I right.
20. You wake up. With a dry mouth. Eyes glued together with contacts. In last night’s clothes. And you hear your pals talking in the kitchen so you better scurry through for all the LOLZ of last night.
What are we all like.
Original Post Date: March 2016