home.

It has been a funny few months and of course, no word from me over here. A few people recently have asked me if I’m still blogging and well, the answer has been no. Summer (whilst I struggle with the change of seasons in the beginning) is always my favourite time of year; things feel much more infinitely possible when there is a glimpse of sunshine and the days are long. I’m quite sure summer 2019 will stay with me forever as there have been a couple of life-defining events as of late alongside so many wonderful summery memories and it feels like time to dive back in with the blog and bring you all up to speed. 

When we last spoke (where I poured all my thoughts about university out onto the page) I had just recently graduated. It was a weirdly wonderful day; yes I hate my photos and why does my hair look so awful and why I am incapable of smiling properly. But aside from that, it was surreal. It was lovely to celebrate with friends and my parents and we were so lucky with the weather. My degree certificate is now safely stored in the trunk my TV sits on and my LinkedIn profile updated with my results so it feels like a long time ago now. I’m now looking forward to the next academic chapter of my life which comes in the form of a postgraduate degree at the University of West Scotland, which has kicked off and I already feel incredibly overwhelmed. 

I really feel like I’ve packed a lot into this summer but at the same time feel like I’ve done nothing at all. I’ve barely been back to the Borders because life has just been so busy but I’ve still managed to find time to listen to as many podcasts as possible or binge watch entire TV shows in one day. I’m definitely going to do an update on all my media consumption of late as there are some of my favourite posts to read and well, I am a sucker for a true crime podcast. I’m finally got to see one of my favourite shows, RedHanded, live this month with my friend, and it was so good. Suruthi and Hannah were just as lovely and hilarious in real life. 

I’m finishing up this post in my bed on a Sunday morning after quickly cleaning the hob and the bathroom sink as my mum and dad are bringing my car up for me after it had to get repaired. My handbrake failed in a car park a couple of weeks ago and when I returned to the car suitably filled with coffee, lemon drizzle and good conversation with an old friend, I found it parked into the side of someone else’s with a smashed headlight, in need of new panels and the police standing there. 

I am quite surprised I held it together at the time but of course did cry about it at the side of the road on the phone to my parents and then my flatmate. Mostly just with frustration, it is going to cost a bit to get it fixed but also the time! So they are kindly driving it up for me and I’m sure will my mum will make some sort of comment about the state of my hair – probably that it is in need of a wash which is not wholly untrue. 

My summer trip this year was back to the states and has left me absolutely desperate to go back. I’ve never been more willing to drop £££ on flights before and honestly, I’d book right now if Rachel sent me WhatsApp with details of a Vegas flight. I’m going to share my photos and anecdotes (some of them!) on the blog in due course as I want it on here as much for me as for anyone else. Mid August I spent ten or so days out there, starting in Las Vegas before heading to San Francisco. Hopefully I’ll get to head back out west sometime soon. 

I’ve also began to tackle two of my biggest problems this summer: my relationship with exercise and my body, and my approach to finances. The latter I’ve always been kind of awful with. I am a good saver and do have a healthy savings account but in the last year or so I have been living way above my means due to my incessant need to spend, spend, spend wherever I can. I’m a huge comfort eater so when life feels shit (which is often always) I eat and then I’m in my local supermarket all the damn time picking up nonsense even after I’ve done a weekly shop. I was also overusing my ASOS account, perusing too much in Primark and being careless with my contactless card in the pub. 

In an effort to get to the bottom of my financial incapabilities, I bankrupted myself in the US (not intentional) and made a hefty excel spreadsheet when I got home aptly called ‘Finances’ with the help of my friend Amanda. I’ve been using it since I got my first pay cheque back at the end of August however it runs monthly to monthly so I’m now in sheet two for September. I’m still getting to grips with my budget as I’m not where/how I’m spending my money yet but the Expenses & Income tracker has a been a godsend. I’m hoping by the end of 2019 I’ll be a lot more secure and confident in managing money. 

The second issue which was causing me much distress and has done for as long as I’ve been aware of it is the relationship I have with my body. It is not a healthy one and is the source of so much upset and anguish for me as I try to muddle through life. I also have a rubbish relationship with exercise where I basically just won’t do it as I find it too difficult and intimidating in the gym, classes boring, no will power to go running especially in the rain so when Alisha mentioned Two Birds Boutique Fitness on her Instagram stories a couple of months ago I was intrigued and reached out.

I’ve now been there for eight weeks maybe in total (excluding the three weeks I spent on holiday) and whilst I do mutter I want to die about six times throughout every training session, I love it. It is a really friendly community with amazing coaches and I’m so excited to see where my progression with fitness goes next. If anyone in Glasgow is looking to join a new gym and try a different kind of exercise routine I’d really urge you to check out Two Birds. I even manage the 7am class before work once or twice a week! Now that really is a miracle. 

Honestly, I’m not 100% sure what I’m doing with my blog anymore. I’ve completely fallen off the bandwagon of posting (there was a few weeks where I posted every Friday at the beginning of the summer) this year and I’m not sure where to pick up again. I have found myself on here a few times, re-reading old posts and that cements it for me that I do want to keep going as it is essentially my online journal – a journal I’m not ready to give up yet. I think going forward I’m going to write for me and try to share as much of myself into writing as possible. My mental health this summer has been shocking – the worst it has been in a good couple of years – so I’m hoping with a return to normalcy in the form of studying, writing and routine I can get things back on track and when this happens again next summer, I’ll have a better handle on things. 

And one final happy thing to end this little life update on, I’ve moved flats! A stone’s throw from our old place, Rachel and I have moved to a quieter, peaceful ground floor apartment which I have been trying to fill with as many plants as possible. There is so much I’d like to do to the place but my bank balance currently doesn’t support my ideas for a full kitchen and bathroom renovation so those are being put on the back burner for 2020 to say the least. Until then I’m occupying what is left of my disposal income with shopping for rugs, mirrors, bar carts, prints, plants and random kitchen utensils I suddenly realise I do in fact need. I’m going to share some pictures of the flat on here at some point because I want to document how it first looked for future reference. 

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